“Love is…Trust”

Corey Fields

August 9, 2009

John 21:15-19

This is the last sermon in our series “Love is…”  Today I’m going to say that love is trust.  In the children’s time today, we talked about the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.  Among other things, the story deals with trust.  It’s a good lesson – not just for kids – about what’s necessary for others to trust me.  What do I do to make others trust or distrust me?

But now, I’m going to turn it around.

I have a confession to make.  I don’t trust people.  I don’t trust politicians to work for the people they represent, I don’t trust people in restaurants to be sanitary, I don’t trust the pilot of my plane, I don’t trust other drivers, I don’t trust the news media, and I don’t trust other people with my child.  And the funny thing:  most of these people I end up often having to trust anyway.

But let’s not fool ourselves; it’s not trust, it’s necessity.  Many things that I do, I do them not because I truly trust other people but because it’s better than the alternative of not doing it.  My wife and I don’t go out to eat because we trust those people behind the swinging doors making our food, we go out to eat because we don’t want to mess with dinner every single night.  I don’t get on a plane because I know and trust the pilot, I do it because it’s quicker than driving (and in some cases, the only way to get there).  I don’t read the news because it’s accurate and unbiased, I read it because it’s the only source for most current events.

It’s all based on experience.  We humans base trust on experience.  Why do I trust my wife?  Because experience has taught me that I can.  She’s never blown the house up (I’ve come close, but she hasn’t J).  She’s never harmed our child.  She’s never acted irresponsibly.  She’s…almost…never revealed anything that was supposed to be a secret.  We base trust on experience, and experience tells us what is likely to happen in the future.  But it all hangs in the balance, doesn’t it?  You’ve heard the stories.  Pastors embezzle money.  Spouses cheat after decades of marriage.  Dogs attack people after years of being tame.  Trust is based on experience, but experience is not a flawless indicator, and trust is fragile.

Trust is fragile for at least 3 reasons.  Number one, it takes so much time to gain.  Number two, it takes so little time to lose.  And number three, it’s so hard to relearn when it’s been betrayed before.  When it comes to trust, our experience isn’t fully reliable but it’s the best we have.  Which is why I’m always so baffled at how quickly some romantic couples today will pack up and move in together.  That’s the trend these days, but people have no idea what a huge act of trust and commitment it is to decide to live with your romantic partner.  If you’re not ready for marriage, you’re not ready for that.  I mention this because there is no other corner of life where I’ve seen more trust disasters than hasty relationship commitments. 

But to talk about experience:  the experience of life teaches us that no human being is completely trustworthy.  I read the news or watch other people or hear about other situations, and I find myself shaking my head saying, “You just can’t trust human beings.”  But then I run into this nagging problem…that I’m a human being too.  And I expect other people to trust me more than I’m willing to trust them.

In the passage from John today, Jesus has this intriguing dialogue with Peter.  It takes place after Jesus’ death and resurrection and after the whole scene where Peter denied him three times.  This is often known as the “reinstatement of Peter,” and to counter Peter’s three denials, Jesus asks him three times if he loves him.  In English, we only have word for “love.”  In Greek, there are at least four (five, depending on context).  When Jesus and Peter speak to each other in this passage, they are using 2 different words for love.  The first two times Jesus asks Peter if he loves him, he uses the word “agape.”  In all of Peter’s answers, and in Jesus’ third question, the word “philia” is used.  Modern day preachers have drawn more of a distinction between these two words than there actually is, but they are indeed different.  Philia is a very general term, often used to express friendship, but also used to talk about personal tastes or things one enjoys.  The word agape is stronger, indicates a more intentional action or commitment, and is often used to describe God’s unconditional love for us.  Agape can be said to be the “no matter what” love.

So Jesus asks Peter, “More than these others, do you love me no matter what?”  Peter says, “Yes Lord, of course you’re my friend.”  And it’s almost as if Jesus asks the third time, “ARE you my friend?”  Peter is hurt and says, “Lord, you know everything.  Of course.”  But this wasn’t all there was to the conversation.  All three times, after Peter confesses his love for Jesus, Jesus says in return, ‘If you love me, then care for my sheep.”  In other words, ‘If you love me, I’m going to trust you.’  What was Jesus going to trust Peter with?  God’s truth.  The message of the gospel and the task of taking God’s love and forgiveness to the world.

PETER??  Either Jesus was suffering from some bad memory loss, or he was taking a huge risk.  Remember how I said that human trust is based on experience?  There was not much in Jesus’ experiences with Peter that revealed him as trustworthy.  Oh, Peter could be trusted, alright…he could be trusted to always open his mouth and say the wrong thing.  I have to imagine that Peter was one of those people that you typically encounter in small group settings…he just liked to hear himself talk.  But this was the Peter who tried to keep Jesus from fulfilling his purpose and Jesus looked at him and said, “Get behind me Satan!”  Remember that?  Or isn’t this the same Peter who said, “Lord, I’ll go anywhere with you,” and yet spent Jesus’ torturous time on the cross denying that he even knew him?  That Peter?

And yet Jesus said to Peter, “I’m going to trust you.”

He had every reason not to.  Peter repeatedly messed up and, at the very least, just didn’t understand.  He was an uneducated, unknowledgeable peasant who talked a big talk but deserted Jesus when it mattered most.  Jesus had every reason not to trust Peter.  And Peter have every reason TO trust Jesus, and yet he just couldn’t bring himself to use that agape word – that trust word – in answering Jesus.  It bordered on hypocrisy.  And yet Jesus simply said, “Do you love me?  If so, I will trust you.”  And trusted him he did – Peter went on to be one of the most important Christian leaders among the Jewish people of his day.

Have you ever thought about it?  If trust was based on the expectation of perfection – if we only trusted those who would never mess up – we wouldn’t trust anybody.  But trust isn’t based on the expectation of perfection.  And unlike human trust, God’s trust and love is not based on experience.  God’s trust is based on love.  The love He had for us before we were even born, and the love he asks us to return.  Jesus wasn’t asking Peter to do his laundry.  He was asking him to be a carrier of God’s truth and an instrument of God’s love.  He wasn’t qualified.  He hadn’t proved himself.  But Jesus, out of love, chose to trust.  Trust based on love. 

This is extremely hard, sometimes impossible, for humans to do.  Trust someone else based on love.  But it’s what God does.

And I have something to share with you.  I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you if it weren’t for trust.  When I was growing up at Harrisonburg Baptist Church, the only way I was able to discover, use, and appreciate the gifts God had given me was because those people trusted me.  This trust stuff works, when we can find it in ourselves to do it.  When I was only 16 years old, my youth minister trusted me to lead a Bible study and teach my peers.  I had no clue what I was doing.  But because of trust, I found a passion God had placed in me.  When I was only 18 years old, my church trusted me enough to give me the pulpit and a microphone one Sunday morning.  I had no clue what I was talking about (and maybe still don’t).  But because of trust, I found a passion God had placed in me.  When I was only 19 years old, Bethel Baptist Church in Chase City, VA trust me to be their summer youth minister.  A 19-year-old youth minister was almost laughable.  But because of trust, I developed as a leader.  But what’s possible more important is what happened before this.  As a child and an early adolescent, I went to therapy for 4 years for my anger issues.  I was angry, destructive, acted out, and sometimes my mother just didn’t know what to do with me.  For 4 years, a psychologist did play therapy with me to help me. 

Some of those people at my church…they knew my past.  But because they found the love and grace to trust me, I was given the space…to learn to trust myself.  And on my story went.  Did I mess up?  Oh yes.  And that’s just my church.  Words probably can’t express the trust that my mother somehow found for me.

Trust gives the tree room to grow.  Trust lets the bird out of the cage.  We don’t trust someone because we know for a fact that they won’t mess up, harm themselves or others, or deeply hurt us.  We trust because we’ve been given trust.  This is what grace is:  trusting and loving when you don’t have a reason to.  That’s what God does for us. 

But to those here who have had their heart and trust shattered before, I have a disclaimer and something I wanted to say to you.  This is not an encouragement to set yourself up to be hurt or worse.  This is not an invitation to carelessly allow other people to do anything they want to.  Remember, Jesus didn’t start by saying, “I trust you.”  He began with the question, “Do you love me?” using the word agape – the commitment, “no matter what” love.  Some of us have been deeply wounded because of misplaced trust.   Trust is based on love and commitment.  My church didn’t trust me because I came in off the street wanted to be a leader, but because they knew me and loved me.  You shouldn’t throw your heart at any old Joe Schmoe either.

 But what if?  What if we could learn to trust each other?  In a recent sermon, I said that the purpose of the church is to be the living example of the kingdom values that Jesus lived and preached.  What if we, the church, could show the world what trust is?  What if we could model love and commitment here in our community?  Trust is one of the most precious gifts we can give another human being.  And for our families, our country, and our church to grow and develop, we’re going to have to stop being stingy with our trust.

This is grace:  to love and trust when you don’t have a reason to.  Experience with many people would tell us to do the opposite.  But remember my testimony.  The bird can’t fly in the cage.